25.06.27-Movie Miracle’s from Heaven

Hi Sweetheart

Just finished watching that Miracles’ movie. I was surprised how long it must have been since I’d seen it last. Watching it can’t help but make anyone realize both how precious every day is and how thankful everyone should be for every day we get to enjoy each day; the question is, now what do I do with each day I’m given. My routine has no option for change. I honestly feel your need for additional prayers to enter Paradise is probably over-thunk. It’s not really a word but you get the idea.

I double-booked on July 1. The foot doctor and Hospice interview. I don’t think I mentioned it previously but it’s mandated to have me checked out, by the FBI, something that’s been done so many times. I had a short interview but an 8 hour training session is mandatory. The hours, I’m told, are short, and there are openings in many areas.

It’s been awhile so I just wanted to keep in touch.

Love you so much, you’re missed just as much

Love you,

Me

PS; Just finished, this week, re-editing all  our travel books. Now I struggle to fit my “Word” texts and squeeze them into the “BlueHost” software. It’s taking hours to complete 2014 and 2015. 16-17 are next, and with each book I’m learning how complex BlueHost has become since 2021. I’ll let you know of my progress if any in a couple of days.

Love you

25.06.25-Sixth-Monthiversary

Dear Carla,

It’s been a couple of hours since you’ve gotten off the phone with your family, I know, you were tired. You’d asked me if you could just take a short nap, and, of course, I said yes. We did not have have a great deal of gifts but, at the same time, we don’t have have a great deal  of space either, and I did not want a caretaker tripping over something on the floor; so I’ve spent this time quietly moving stuff to the tree area and along the wall, out of everyone’s way. Right now it’s 2:45 and I can just about remember looking at the clock, 6 months ago, and seeing the same time. I wanted so much to sit next to you and hold your hand but I did not want to disturb your rest. I was expecting to do a lot more talking once you awoke since we did not have that much time to talk this morning. You finally woke just after 3pm. I began to talk to you but you gently interrupted me and began to talk. I won’t go into the details and repeat them over again but I could not believe how bright eyed you looked and such clarity of speech, I was hoping to have so many more conversations in the days and weeks to come then: at the end of your short talk you calmly said, “now I have to close my eyes.”

I never gave it a thought that this would be the last time I would ever hear your voice.

Today has been a terribly difficult day to get through.

Love you so much, I’ll keep on praying.

Me

25.06.21-Digital Pulpit again

Hi Sweetheart,

I’m in a hurray, Scoots is already in bed waiting for me and a treat or two. The homily this evening was about the Sacred Heart of Jesus and His promises to us  for just a couple of sacrifices. This, of course, has nothing to do with you it’s all on me.

It was just what I needed. Today has been one of my worse days in weeks so I found the homily enlightening.

I love you, please pray for me.

Will be back tomorrow/Sunday to finish

My only purpose, at this time, is salvation, and hopefully try to do a few good deeds before that day of reconciliation. Fr. Tom’s homily’s always have a twist and this weekend would not disappoint. At my age,  81, there’s little left to be desired. I’ve had a great life. I’ve had the privilege of having two great kids that have never been a disappointment. Money, well everyone could use a little more of that but I’m satisfied. My needs are few and my expenses are even fewer. So what’s left…Salvation!

Although I do get into my digital pulpit more often than readers desire, I cannot pass up this new Novena to everyone. It’s the Novena and Promises of the sacred heart of Jesus. This is an old-fashioned novena that takes 9-months to accomplish, so don’t delay. It doesn’t promise salvation but it does lay down some very simple guidelines to get there.

Here goes:

The Promises of the Sacred Heart of Jesus to St. Margaret Mary

(1) “I will give them all the graces necessary in their state of life.

(2) I will establish peace in their homes.

(3) I will comfort them in all their afflictions.

(4) I will be their secure refuge during life, and above all, in death.

(5) I will bestow abundant blessings upon all their undertakings.

(6) Sinners will find in my Heart the source and infinite ocean of mercy.

(7) Lukewarm souls shall become fervent.

(8) Fervent souls shall quickly mount to high perfection.

(9) I will bless every place in which an image of my Heart is exposed and honored.

10) I will give to priests the gift of touching the most hardened hearts.

(11) Those who shall promote this devotion shall have their names written in my Heart.

(12) I promise you in the excessive mercy of my Heart that my all-powerful love will grant to all those who receive Holy Communion on the First Fridays in nine consecutive months the grace of final perseverance; they shall not die in my disgrace, nor without receiving their sacraments. My divine Heart shall be their safe refuge in this last moment.”

The above statements locked it in for me, Any followers?

Now that my travel blogs are complete and we’ve finished traveling I need a new venue for my thoughts of the day. They will contain personal feelings I have at the time for Carla, please allow me this liberty.

Novena schedule begins this coming July 4th, please join me, it’s only once a month.

I miss you so much and Love you just s much.

Me

25.06.17 Another beautiful sunset

Hi Sweetheart;

This is just my way of having one of our short talks together at the end of a day.

(So don’t even start thinking of making an appointment for me with a shrink)

Today was a difficult day, even with the meds. Some things, like the thought of you are just too overwhelming. Tonight especially so; the movie finished just about 8pm and Scoots, of course, was looking for treats before she went off to bed. I’ve got your urn next to the TV set which is on the West side of the house. The sun was blasting through the window but the blind was down but not shut. I know I’m typing for nothing, I realize I’m just talking to myself, but I couldn’t resist opening the blind about 8-inches to let it shine more brightly on you and your urn. I’ll never forget how many times you had to stop everything to view and often take pictures of the sunset so so many evenings.

The light from the sun has now diminished, and the sky is a hazy Florida grey, and Scoots and I are putting the house to bed.

It goes without saying I Love You so much, please watch over us.

Pray for me,

Me

6.19.25- Just a comment

Awoke last night, about 2am, either saying or thinking

“when are you coming home?”

As soon as I fully awoke, I realized how ludicrous this statement was, but I think it tells me I have you on my mind 24/7. I can still feel your presence in so many slight ways, so I’m going to leave this open to read for a little while.

Love you so much

Pray for me

me

Sweetheart,

Last night was horrendous. Thunder, lightning and plenty of rain. Scoots hid in an empty box in the dining room. She couldn’t sleep either. Woke me at 1 and 3am for no apparent reason. Knowing I wasn’t going to go back to sleep on my own, I checked the log only to find out my next pill could be safely taken around 4am. I must have dosed off because I woke up again at 4:30am. This is Sunday morning my designated morning to sleep. Took the pill and slept so soundly I could not believe it. Ecven Scoots was sleeping mid-bed sound asleep. Needless to say it felt really good to sleep late for a change.

With the time being so late I had my coffee and cornflakes and set out to go shopping. Once again, without realizing it, I came to the strawberry section and all I could think of is the little strawberry and cream dish I used to put together for you after I’ finished unpacking the groceries.

Bought Scoots a smaller poopy-box for the parch for her early morning  escapes. In the past she would go out and one-hour later want to come back in for food, then go out again. One-hour later she’d want back in to use the box and, of course, want to go back out again. This is all during the hours of 9 and 12. Hope this fixes the problem without her feeling out of the family.

4pm going to have lunch

Love you, please don’t forget me and Pry for me.

Me

13th-Friday-On my way home for Mass this morning I decided to check on how full my mail-box was. As expected, most likely I’d be getting a kind note from the office reminding me that I should pick up my mail more than once a month.

It was from Cory, just a short little note on how I might be doing. I hear from so few I wander who really died, Carla or me. It’s nice how some people can say so much, in  just a few words. Yesterday was not one of my better days; just to much time on my hands. There’s so much I would like to say in reply most all of it would involve Carla, a topic, I feel, the living are not keen on dwelling on.

Of course I will be writing back. I think this is why I have resuscitated the Website back to like again. Down deep I realize virtually no one will ever go to the site, but once I pass, a few might decide to take a peak inside and try to understand what was going on in my mind these months after Carla’s passing.

Another purpose for this site, and I haven’t determined how to introduce it yet, might be explaining the “alone time” and how an individual might fill in that time for his or her spouse, just a thought! Alone time are those hours you end up spending on your own with your love-one, because the ridiculously expensive disability insurance you purchased does not cover all the hours of each day.in. I regret so much, and I ask Him and Carla to forgive me for not taking the initiative to do for her while she was alive. It’s one of those “should-of/ would-of” scenarios.

3pm, same day.

Carla, some ideas to think about; let me know. About this time each day I try to think of ways to re-invent my life, not that I could possibly recreate the Joy that’s gone, more like survival.  The Hospice option, I’m looking forward to but must wait until July 7th for FBI Clearance. Actually thought about looking for a job, but decided to put that aside, after all, who’s going to hire an 81-year old to do anything except be a greeter. I’ll revisit that option in 5-10 years, possibly. 

In the Grief Group, I attended there were those that have not moved on since day-one. In all honesty I might fall into that group. There was a smaller group that complained each week about family living nearby and how there checking up on them regularly. These might be the only survivors. It’s Family. Even if they are pains in the butt family members there to care about you is reassuring, even if only part time. In this park, as nice as it is, it is empty now. I could conceivably be dead for 3-4 days before anyone might notice my absence. Nearest family I have, as I stated on the Hospice app., is 1600-miles from here, they (my family) would certainly notice within a month or two. It’s the reason Scoots has an emergency platter in case she can’t wake me up some morning, she’ll be good for a week or so.

As difficult as it might be, I’m going to try, once again, to sell this home and think about Titusville again. Abby is willing to put me up in a spare bedroom they have until I can find something down there; must give myself some more additional time before I put this move into action. The idea of a boat is still in the back of my head but I’ll have to have a better control of my expenses before I go that route.

On the other hand I also entertain the possibility that He has a plan. For some foolish reason He might feel that my presence would be needed for His plan to come together correctly. If this be so I pray it not be in the to far distant future. For months I prayed to St. Jude for “longevity.” I order for me to keep my promises to Carla concerning her final days, I would definitely have to be around, otherwise the powers that be would make decisions not in keeping with her wishes. Those three wishes all came through as Carla was hoping for. There was another promise but that one is still in the works. My prayer to St. Jude now-a-days is that he not take the word “longevity” to seriously. Sticking around to possibly help Him in His plan is workable and I don’t want to be blamed for messing up the future but I do hope the He and St. Jude sit down and talk about the logistics of His plan. 3-pm Rosary time. Will be back

me

6/13th (2025)-Friday-On my way home for Mass this morning I decided to check on how full my mail-box was. As expected, most likely I’d be getting a kind note from the office reminding me that I should pick up my mail more than once a month.

It was from Cory, just a short little note on how I might be doing. I hear from so few I wander who really died, Carla or me. It’s nice how some people can say so much, in  just a few words. Yesterday was not one of my better days; just to much time on my hands. There’s so much I would like to say in reply most all of it would involve Carla, a topic, I feel, the living are not keen on dwelling on.

Of course I will be writing back. I think this is why I have resuscitated the Website back to like again. Down deep I realize virtually no one will ever go to the site, but once I pass, a few might decide to take a peak inside and try to understand what was going on in my mind these months after Carla’s passing.

Another purpose for this site, and I haven’t determined how to introduce it yet, might be explaining the “alone time” and how an individual might fill in that time for his or her spouse, just a thought! Alone time are those hours you end up spending on your own with your love-one, because the ridiculously expensive disability insurance you purchased does not cover all the hours of each day.in. I regret so much, and I ask Him and Carla to forgive me for not taking the initiative to do for her while she was alive. It’s one of those “should-of/ would-of” scenarios.

3pm, same day.

Carla, some ideas to think about; let me know. About this time each day I try to think of ways to re-invent my life, not that I could possibly recreate the Joy that’s gone, more like survival.  The Hospice option, I’m looking forward to but must wait until July 7th for FBI Clearance. Actually thought about looking for a job, but decided to put that aside, after all, who’s going to hire an 81-year old to do anything except be a greeter. I’ll revisit that option in 5-10 years, possibly. 

In the Grief Group, I attended there were those that have not moved on since day-one. In all honesty I might fall into that group. There was a smaller group that complained each week about family living nearby and how there checking up on them regularly. These might be the only survivors. It’s Family. Even if they are pains in the butt family members there to care about you is reassuring, even if only part time. In this park, as nice as it is, it is empty now. I could conceivably be dead for 3-4 days before anyone might notice my absence. Nearest family I have, as I stated on the Hospice app., is 1600-miles from here, they (my family) would certainly notice within a month or two. It’s the reason Scoots has an emergency platter in case she can’t wake me up some morning, she’ll be good for a week or so.

As difficult as it might be, I’m going to try, once again, to sell this home and think about Titusville again. Abby is willing to put me up in a spare bedroom they have until I can find something down there; must give myself some more additional time before I put this move into action. The idea of a boat is still in the back of my head but I’ll have to have a better control of my expenses before I go that route.

On the other hand I also entertain the possibility that He has a plan. For some foolish reason He might feel that my presence would be needed for His plan to come together correctly. If this be so I pray it not be in the to far distant future. For months I prayed to St. Jude for “longevity.” I order for me to keep my promises to Carla concerning her final days, I would definitely have to be around, otherwise the powers that be would make decisions not in keeping with her wishes. Those three wishes all came through as Carla was hoping for. There was another promise but that one is still in the works. My prayer to St. Jude now-a-days is that he not take the word “longevity” to seriously. Sticking around to possibly help Him in His plan is workable and I don’t want to be blamed for messing up the future but I do hope the He and St. Jude sit down and talk about the logistics of His plan. 3-pm Rosary time. Will be back

me

Just me again. I’ve decided I must drink more water each day, maybe then I won’t look like a walking dead. Had to take the Surface to Best Buy and wanted to take my water with me as well, so I took my insulated thermos from the shelf, then realized you were the last to have ever used it since probably the beginning of December 2024. I rinsed out the body of the thermos well, but when it came to the top portion, the section you drink from, it struck me that it was almost like sharing a kiss. You have to remember I’m a guy who would give almost anything to just hold you one more time.

I remember, back in October ’24, you wanted to be held at that time. You’d been confined to the bed, couch or recliner for weeks. You did manage to stand on your own, with a little help from me and it felt so good to have you close to me but then you stated I was holding you a little to tight; I was just trying to be on the safe side so you would not lose your balance. You then said you had to sit down; you were so weak and fragile at that time. I believe that was the last time you tried to stand even with the assistance of your walker. I pray that I could experience that moment just one more time, but that will have to wait.

I continue to thank God for each day that’s given to me, but, to be honest, getting to 5pm each day is an ordeal. Not to sound unthankful but, truth be known, I’m packed and ready to go whenever He calls. I loved the life we had together, but that’s not the life I have without you.

In the meantime, I’m going to assume that Paradise has Internet, and you have the ability to check in on me from time to time, when your really bored.

Talk to you later.

Me

11th of June. Just me again. I’ve decided I must drink more water each day, maybe then I won’t look like a walking dead. Had to take the Surface to Best Buy and wanted to take my water with me as well, so I took my insulated thermos from the shelf, then realized you were the last to have ever used it since probably the beginning of December 2024. I rinsed out the body of the thermos well, but when it came to the top portion, the section you drink from, it struck me that it was almost like sharing a kiss. You have to remember I’m a guy who would give almost anything to just hold you one more time.

I remember, back in October ’24, you wanted to be held at that time. You’d been confined to the bed, couch or recliner for weeks. You did manage to stand on your own, with a little help from me and it felt so good to have you close to me but then you stated I was holding you a little to tight; I was just trying to be on the safe side so you would not lose your balance. You then said you had to sit down; you were so weak and fragile at that time. I believe that was the last time you tried to stand even with the assistance of your walker. I pray that I could experience that moment just one more time, but that will have to wait.

I continue to thank God for each day that’s given to me, but, to be honest, getting to 5pm each day is an ordeal. Not to sound unthankful but, truth be known, I’m packed and ready to go whenever He calls. I loved the life we had together, but that’s not the life I have without you.

In the meantime, I’m going to assume that Paradise has Internet, and you have the ability to check in on me from time to time, when your really bored.

Talk to you later.

Me

9th. I’m sorry sweetheart, It’s been less than 6-months and it’s been months since I’ve had anyone mention your name, not even family. I could talk about you all day long, it would be difficult, emotionally, but I would love to have someone remember you even in the slightest way. Dan, when he visited 2-3-times would not dwell on the subject, out of concerns for me, I’m sure, but at least he remembers you. Abby would be the only other person who feels free to openly talk about you as a unique situation shows itself.

Sorry for the pity blog. Just took my lorazepam, but it takes about an hour for it to be useful.

Still living without a Mastercard. Sunkissed and Netflix are being good about waiting, don’t know about the others. I will be needing gas in a couple of days, just hate to spend house money for gas. Mornings and evenings are the toughest times of the day. I’m optimistic that volunteering with Hospice will help the morning situation, evenings will have to take care of themselves. It’s difficult watching the PG-13 movies I’m relegated to watch and see your face on your urn looking back at me as thought all is well in the world.

Just happened across this picture the other day, forgot how talented you were. Of all the gifts God has given me over the years, sharing our 35-years together, without any doubt, was one of the  gifts I’d enjoyed the most.

12th. Todays a Thursday, and nothing much happened. We had 24-hours of soaking rain yesterday and early this morning, the ground is saturated and the backyard is about 90% green. Took about an hour this morning, after coming home from church, to finish raking Debby’s back yard. I think it looked better with all the leaves. Sunkissed is still nice enough to pick up the 3-bags of leavings and cart them away. We’ve been told the RVPark might permit sprinklers for watering their grounds, but we will have to pay for the system.

A couple of days ago the Surface got messed up, so I brought it to Best Buy and they messed it up even more. This afternoon I was able to dig into the Windows software and figure most of it out. I think they updated Windows, so I think I’m stuck with it.

All for now, am behaving.

It’s nice talking to you, thank you for listening, although a bit one-sided.

I Love You

me

25.06.06 my Birthday

Carla and I usually celebrate birthdays and Anniversaries with a good dinner either at Road House or Millers. I’ve been in a real funk the last week and decided to try to break this spell so I took myself out for take-out at Road House. The thing is that by the time you pick it up take it home, get it one the table a sit down to eat, it tastes about as good as I could cook up without the hassle. I was hoping Carla would understand, I think she would, but can’t be bothered doing this again. There’s only one conclusion, this is what it is and will be.

11. 06.05.2025 Thursday, day before my birthday

I continue to greet each new day thankfully. My battle with my lack of weight is a losing battle. It might just be my attitude or I might just be giving up.

As I have mentioned in the past family deaths seem to hover in the neighborhoods of other occasions, like birthdays, holidays and even holydays. My mom died July 3rd whereas my father died on March 23; the day after my mothers birthday. Dennis, as we’ve seen died a couple of days after his own birthday. Carla passed away consciously on Christmas but physically left the earth on New Years day. There were a couple of other death dates, but I’ve gone far enough. You can see where I might me getting a little excited with my birthday approaching. In the recent couple of months I’ve been given a clean bill of health, so I expect my birthday will be uneventful. Tomorrow I have a appointment with hospice. No, Not what you think. I’m applying as a volunteer. It’s been over 10-years since I’ve been on the clock, but I’m going to try it part time to begin with and see what happens. I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t mind restating; Carla and I were a perfect for each of us. I will admit I did get the best part of the deal. I never expected to be married again and be so happy, and that was mostly thanks to Carla.

What I don’t look forward to is hospital Hospice. If something should beset me I’ll call Camille to come an get Scoots and leave this home in one piece. It’s to much of a hassle to modify this apartment to a Hospital Room once again. But all this is speculation, but something to look forward to. Many birthdays, anniversaries, etc. coming up, so there is hope. Will write again on my birthday and on Hospice.

11. 06.05.2025 Thursday, day before my birthday

I continue to greet each new day thankfully. My battle with my lack of weight is a losing battle. It might just be my attitude or I might just be giving up.

As I have mentioned in the past family deaths seem to hover in the neighborhoods of other occasions, like birthdays, holidays and even holydays. My mom died July 3rd whereas my father died on March 23; the day after my mothers birthday. Dennis, as we’ve seen died a couple of days after his own birthday. Carla passed away consciously on Christmas but physically left the earth on New Years day. There were a couple of other death dates, but I’ve gone far enough. You can see where I might me getting a little excited with my birthday approaching. In the recent couple of months I’ve been given a clean bill of health, so I expect my birthday will be uneventful. Tomorrow I have a appointment with hospice. No, Not what you think. I’m applying as a volunteer. It’s been over 10-years since I’ve been on the clock, but I’m going to try it part time to begin with and see what happens. I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t mind restating; Carla and I were a perfect for each of us. I will admit I did get the best part of the deal. I never expected to be married again and be so happy, and that was mostly thanks to Carla.

What I don’t look forward to is hospital Hospice. If something should beset me I’ll call Camille to come an get Scoots and leave this home in one piece. It’s to much of a hassle to modify this apartment to a Hospital Room once again. But all this is speculation, but something to look forward to. Many birthdays, anniversaries, etc. coming up, so there is hope. Will write again on my birthday and on Hospic

06.05.2025 Thursday, day before my birthday

I continue to greet each new day thankfully. My battle with my lack of weight is a losing battle. It might just be my attitude or I might just be giving up.

As I have mentioned in the past family deaths seem to hover in the neighborhoods of other occasions, like birthdays, holidays and even holydays. My mom died July 3rd whereas my father died on March 23; the day after my mothers birthday. Dennis, as we’ve seen died a couple of days after his own birthday. Carla passed away consciously on Christmas but physically left the earth on New Years day. There were a couple of other death dates, but I’ve gone far enough. You can see where I might me getting a little excited with my birthday approaching. In the recent couple of months I’ve been given a clean bill of health, so I expect my birthday will be uneventful. Tomorrow I have a appointment with hospice. No, Not what you think. I’m applying as a volunteer. It’s been over 10-years since I’ve been on the clock, but I’m going to try it part time to begin with and see what happens. I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t mind restating; Carla and I were a perfect for each of us. I will admit I did get the best part of the deal. I never expected to be married again and be so happy, and that was mostly thanks to Carla.

What I don’t look forward to is hospital Hospice. If something should beset me I’ll call Camille to come an get Scoots and leave this home in one piece. It’s to much of a hassle to modify this apartment to a Hospital Room once again. But all this is speculation, but something to look forward to. Many birthdays, anniversaries, etc. coming up, so there is hope. Will write again on my birthday and on Hospice.

June 1, 2025 (Fifth Monthiversary)

It wasn’t for either one of us to have even thought, here in 2007, that our life would cease after 35-years of being together. Just another chilly morning as we sat out on our deck steps, looking onto the water.

I can still remember that morning, thinking it doesn’t get to much better than this. It never dawned on me to ask Carla what was in her mind.

Thinking back on all those years I can only give thanks to Him for getting us together to enjoy such a wonderful life together.