25.07.29 7th Monthiversary

Hi Love,

Would have written sooner but on top of my daily depression I’ve also been fighting Covid for the last 8 days.

I’ve said it before, I really do think, to some extent, you’re still linked to this life, even as you enjoy your life above. Today’s been very taxing. You’ve been on my mind intensely all day. Someone reading this, which I doubt would say I’m reading to much into  a phone call I just received from Camille. I’ll never know but I’m pretty certain you might have generated it from her.

Kyle left home today as he was scheduled too, but Camille is taking very hard. So she was feeling very down and decided to just give me a call to have someone to tell about his leaving, and she decided to call me, I needed that phone call very much. We talk about once a month, I must make it a point to call her in a couple of weeks.

Over the last few days things have happen, but they could not have been that memorable.

I miss you so much, Love you bunches

Me.

25.07.24 Voice is back

Hi Sweetheart,

Remember 2 years ago when I went in for that procedure at Clear Choice and lost my ability to speak in my usual way. Well!

I’ll come back to that.

Since you left 7 months ago, I’ve been praying daily for some kind of sign, not that I expected to get one. And, to the best of my knowledge it never came. The last couple of months I’ve been I’ve been a little insistent, not that I really thought that would get my any where. I was praying for something so outstanding, like snow in Florida, it would catch my attention.

I went to the 7:30 Mass on Sunday last but left right after Communion something I rarely do, but I just felt so nauseous. Because the feeling was so overwhelming I literally did nothing all day except take a couple of naps. Monday, was Adoration day for me, and as lousy as I was feeling I left at 7:30 as usual but the Chapel A/C was so cold I left as soon as Jim came to relieve me.

Woke up or Tuesday so sick all I did all day was keep Scoots fed and stay in bed, Scooty joined with me most of the time. Early in the evening I began to gag up a lot of the phlegm I’d been swallowing to the point that I felt I should go to the ER. It felt like I had a temperature on 104, bur when I took it, it was about normal 98.6. /also felt like my BP might be of, so I took that, and it to0, was normal. In general I don’t generally carry on any long conversations with Scoots, because I realize it’s like writing this blog, but out of frustration I just let our ” What’s going on with me?” It was just then I realize the old voice I’d been plague with for the last 2-years had gone away. It’s been 2 days and I’m still talking in my original voice, not quite as smooth but much better than I’d had.

The point of the story is that I do believe He has finally sent me the message I’d been waiting for.

The prayers will continue for a lifetime, I sure if you don’t need them someone else will.

Got fingerprinted a few days ago, waiting for the  results.

I have a little more to add but I’m still woozy.

I love you, please pray for me

Me

25.07.20

Hi Sweetheart,

I know, you’ve  gone through much worse than me, but living with your loss does not get any easier.

Just got back from shopping and I only needed lemonade. But the grapes caught my attention so I picked up a bag of really good grapes, but then, I spotted those watermelon squares I used to buy for you. It would have been cheaper to buy the whole watermelon but this reminded me of you so much, just another little habit that meant so much for me because I knew it would make  you happy as well.

That was such an emotional episode I almost decided to just leave the cart and go home.

I prayed so hard that fateful day you passed away in hopes of gaining for you a ticket straight to Paradise, but the more I listen to sermons and read about getting into Paradise, the more disillusioned I get, hence the intense barrage of masses and prayers for you. And then I wonder where are all those Masses from the dozens and dozens of churches we visited and attended in our travels. In the writings of the saints and Popes, I’ve read that prayers and masses said during your lifetime, have a thousand times more value than those after you’ve passed.

This, if you haven’t summoned already is the reason I always end our conversations with pray for me.”

I keep asking for a sign, but that’s a difficult request. If the sign is given, and I missed it then I would supposed you’d not made it to Paradise yet, it’s a quandary.

A couple of months ago I was watering the front yard. Nothing meant by what I said, since I use the words all the time. but I mentioned that it looked like “her dog was taking her for a walk.” She did stop, which I was surprised and mentioned that was all she had to do since her husband had passed away a short while ago (I forgot how long ago.) I retorted that’s why I was just watering grass that doesn’t belong to me. She then asked me, if I recall correctly. ” How you doing”. I gave the run of the mill answer I always give, “getting there one day at a time.” To be polite I asked her back how she was doing and she answered. “praying for salvation.” I wasn’t expecting that for an answer and she added that she had to get going and that she was a year-round resident and renting in the NW corner of the campground. The campground was full at that time and I had no expectation  of trying to locate her, and have not seen her since.

What struct me from that short conversation were the last few words. her words sounded scripted much like yours were on Christmas Day. I was so pleased after you awoke from your nap after talking for so long with family that Christmas morning, that you looked so wide awake. Your eyes were never so bright and focused, but, then again, the words you articulated were short, organized and left no room for me to interject at that particular moment, very much like the dog walker and her “praying for salvation.”

I have to wonder if I’m not receiving messages and all I have to do is to open my ears and eyes and listen to what is being imparted to me.

All this rhetoric over a small package of watermelon squares.

Once again, I hope you have access to the internet but I am realistic to accept the fact that I am writing to myself. But it makes feel good  to share stories the way we used to a few months back

I love you so much,

Please let me keep writing.

Any signs you can share, share them.

I love you,

Me

PS;

I must be beginning to think single, which is not what I’m looking for, but I’ve begun eating strawberry Ice Cream out of the jug. ( I’ll have to watch out for that,)

25.07.19-Scooty’s Birthday

Hi Sweetheart;

Just to bring you up to date Scooty had  nice birthday. The grass I bought was longer and browner. She’s eating it but not like the other brand we used to get.

Just finished watching the 4th episode of Jaws. I hear there’s talk of them coming in with a new one some time this year, who knows.

Spent a little time cleaning up the place and re-reading 2014. Except for a few colons and comas it is very close to perfect. Good enough to hand out. If I don’t tell anyone about the errors they’ll probably skim right over them.

Got the final test from St. T. for Usher job. What’s left now is the FBI back-up check from a place in Summerville and then I must go to another place for Hospice.

That’s about it and I realize I’m just talking to myself, but I get satisfaction in it and it serves as a daily log. I’m doing better tonight than last night, but the night is still young.

Love you so much.

Pray for me,

Me

Hi Love,

Second time doing this, forgot to save the last time.

The MSFT app “on this day” had a picture of you on 7-17-14, when we were visiting the town of Deerfield. It was like “Old Deerfield” unless all of Deerfield is old. The picture was of you behind a wood-clad building, I think it was the Bement School and they had a Nature Preserve behind the school with all sorts of flowers in separate areas. You had found one you hadn’t seen for along time and you were bending over to pick off a bud, which was allowed, otherwise you would not even touch it. The picture just reminded me of how much you enjoyed growing plants and flowers, our Sanford home being a good example. I think back and find myself asking you to forgive me for taking you from one of your enjoyable hobbies. A few frames further I found a picture of me eating; the height of my mentality, you could have chosen better if you had just waited probably for the next guy to appear in your life.

I know we both enjoyed all the travelling, but their might have been another scenario equally as enjoyable that suited you better; we’ll never know!

I wanted, very much to download the picture, but as usual, the pixel count was not acceptable to BlueHost. Must figure how to minimize the pixel count. I take it back, just found out the trick or system to keep BlueHost pixel happy. You have no idea how happy that make me.

Absolutely nothing to do today, Scoots has eaten and is lying on the bed. It’s her birthday tomorrow so I’ll probably go out and buy her a “grass tub” for her to chew on. She’s turning 15, believe it or not. I don’t know how I would be handling things these days if I did not have her to concern myself with. Thanks again for finding her so many year ago.

Just got a call from St. T with a new time, 10am for tomorrow for test for fingerprints.

As I’ve mentioned before, I realize I am talking to myself, but it just feels good keeping you up to date on matters of  this world.

Love you

Me

ps:

From my digital pulpit:

I mentioned I’d begun the PIETA novena, (365 day novena) and I’m 1% through it and it hasn’t effective my daily life at all. One of the “promises” St. Bridgett mentions is that at the end of the PIETA Novena she will” DELIVER 15 MEMBERS OF YOUR FAMILY FROM PURGATORY. ” Is this (25MINUTES A DAY) to big a price to pay for delivering family members our of purgatory, or just wait until your in purgatory and see how much you’d pay for a free “get of of purgatory card.” Let me know!

25.07.16-Thanks for being there

Hi Love;

I’m in much better shape today, than I was yesterday, thank you for being there and listening to me rant on.

The neighborhood, however, is a little lighter. Dean and Laurie visited today, earlier, to say goodbye. They’re leaving about 2 weeks earlier than they had planned, but like me, I think they found the park to empty. Both of them enjoy walking, they must get in their 10,000 steps, I think that’s what they call them, and as they’re walking  they inevitably stop and talk to many along the way, but the “many” have left the park, with only staff personnel to talk too. So my alienation has finally hit bottom. We spoke whenever we were out doing yard duties, actually he put me on the right tract for making our back yard green, but I will miss them. They plan to return the beginning of October which isn’t that bad.

Touched base with Abby for just a minute on the phone and she’s doing much better. She says about 5 weeks to go for the new baby, a boy this time if you didn’t know.

Not much else to add.

As always, I love you, truly and digitally

Me.

25.07.15-Cat in the Hat Day

HI Love,

It’s gloomy outside, raining and thunder. Scooty is being very quiet but is eating. Highlight of the day is a call from Maurice, he’s in NC visiting clients. No desire to turn on the TV, not that there’s anything worth watching. Took a Lor and Tyl to no avail, but I’m not giving up on them. Starting reading the 2015 travel book only to find small but noticeable errors in the text. I will reprint when I get to it, but I have a gut feeling very few if any will sit and read it, I might be wrong.

Want, very much to talk to someone, maybe Mike or Cheryl. Abby texted a couple of times this week she’d not been feeling well at all, more than just being pregnant.

Going to quit before I get you down, is that possible in Paradise?

Began a new prayer initiative on 7-14. The readings take close to one-half hour and it goes on; not for 9 days, 9 weeks, 9 months but for 12 months. It’s an every day ritual, but I feel good about it. Every Monday evening, adoration at St. T’s., I sincerely ask for that special prayer, even if it be demanding, that I can say to give me an extra edge on redemption and salvation. You were so brave living through those months knowing the inevitable was a sure thing. But then, you lived a much more peaceful life than me. I read through the prayers and I do achieve peace of mind. Basically speaking, even if it performs 60%, that’s 60% more going for me than I have right now. The booklet  is Pieta, “My God, How I love Thee.” It’s compilation of St. Bridget’s Prayers.

I came into the Adoration Room and it was darker then usual. The folks before me did not show. Turned on the front set of lights and lifted the curtain from in front of the Monstrance, the item that contains the exposed Host. I said my usual prayers, spoke about you, the spoke about me. I was asking for that special prayer that will assist me in being as acceptable as possible at the time of my death. Being at the end of the family line is daunting. I’ve been in constant daily prayer and Masses since the moment you died. In my situation I probably won’t even be noticed for 2-3 days, if I’m lucky. The very last item I ask for is for Him to get back to me with an idea or two; I await for an answer but He is a God of few words, but I don’t give up.

This time, last Monday, on the seat I always sit in was the Pieta booklet. I read through it and it sounded doable. It was what I was asking for and it was there waiting for me. I said it that night and brought it home but will replace it, next Monday, with 4 copies.

Scoots will be Okay if the worst should happen to me. She’s got back-up food and a quart of water in the case something should happen to me. What I don’t have is someone to pray over my body, be it 2-3 days old. A call will be made and 911 will take me away and someone will read all the directives I have in plain view and cart me off somewhere, but that’s my problem. I know the Lord is tired of my asking for prayers for the deceased when I’m still “unceased.” But I just keep asking him if I can pay them forward due to my situation.

On the 14th, I mentioned I would tell you about the newly published books.  They’re going out as Christmas gifts since Christmas now, only has, a religious importance in my life. The Ozdarski’s will get a full set distributed amongst Karen, Pat, Jodi. MacDougall’s will also get a full set. I spoke to Joyce about it and she assured me the volumes will be taken out and read and not discarded for a long time…Just what I was hoping for.

Spellman will eventually get a full set as well. Other family members will get one-two each, I’ll have to see how soon they run out. Cori and Connie have been very good about checking up on me. Others will get at least one book, but still hashing that out.

Thank you for listening to me today. I was having a Jack Daniels day, that is if I had a bottle of JD on the shelf. I’m pretty much centered and back to normal, thanks to you.

Love you so much Sweetheart, Pray for me.

I want, very much to celebrate our 36th Anniversary together, with HIS permission.

Miss you, ME

25.07.14-Happy 35th

Dear Carla,

I know, we didn’t really make it to our 35th Anniversary, but it’s my blog, and we’re still together, in spirit if not in the flesh.

Had some time this morning as I was trying to figure what to have for lunch and decided to take a peak of some of our early pictures. The old Nikon should have been replaced sooner than we did; just to many shaky pictures. I did come across a picture I don’t recall ever seeing before.

Oops! The software says the image pixels is to great. Will get back back to this some day.

It was so difficult reliving the boats we’ve had, RVs, the trips we’d taken, either together or with family and once with neighbors, not to mention the luxury of working together in the centers we’d own. How fast time fly’s! I know, I’m still living in the past but I was so happy through all those years. I’m still thankful for all the years He allowed us to share. It’s hard to imagine how few people have the privilege to spend every waking day together sharing less the half dozen years with “real work.”

Thank you for such a beautiful life.

I love you, miss you.

Pray for me

Me

Today is well know as our 35th Anniversary but I have something to add. I was asked to autograph one of my books. It was such a nervous reck. Something like that just does not happen to me. It was a real pleasure. I’ll lay you odd it will be the last time, though.

Just wanted to share that experience with you.

Me

25.07.10-Telephone Life-line from Iowa

Hi Love;

Just wanted to let you know that I’ve finished the final Book. I thought they were all done until 2014 gave me a hard time trying to get it published.

As always you’re my resident shrink. It was  a good day today, but the night is coming.

Scoots and I were just sitting down watching a PG movie on Netflix call Lutz, I think, when the phone rang. I couldn’t have been more pleased; it was Joyce MacDougall. It was  a call I really appreciated. I rarely call anyone because all we exchange are a bunch of platitudes; sounds like your really getting better, It takes time or you’ll get over it or discussions on the weather. Dang I’m sick of hearing these kind word, meant with the right attitude in an attempt to help me feel like it is  all behind me and all I should be doing is looking towards the future. Eventually even they will discover there is no future just maintaining the status quo every day. She even offered to let me to come to visit, and I’m seriously thinking about it. If only for a few days. We must have talked for an hour which is longer than I’ve spoken to anyone in the last year. It was such a pleasure to reminisce on visits of the past and the mini trips we took with them in the day. The talk brought back so many memories, Just thought I’d share that with you.

Waiting for the publisher to complete 2019 and 2020-2021 books. That should happen this week. I’ll talk more about the books and what I plan to do with them in the future when I have less to wright bout.

In general it was a red-letter day.

I love You,

As always, pray for me but include the MacDougall’s in your prayers as well. Needless to say He is challenging them physically to say the least.

Once again, I have no idea what options  you might have, I’m sure it’s not the Internet, but I can’t help but think that you have some way to check in.

Love you so much,

Me

Hi Hun;

This month has been so busy it’s unbelievable.

Hospice went well, lot’s to know about. Mostly what you must not do. I go back tomorrow to have a TB shot red, then, I’m told, the emails will begin to flow in.

Had a doctor appt this morning in Orlando. Dr. H is determined to find cancer., or at least be able to rule it out. For that I need another sample from my lungs. This will happen on the 30th and I can come home on the 31st, since they have to put me under. This single living requires a great deal of logistics. Donna from the office will check on Scoots after she closes the office and give her new food and a clean box. She seemed very pleased to be able to help. I guess all of us here will be in my position in the next few years, we all have to be there to help one another.

The first two weeks of the month were all blocked out with  serious things to do or appointments.

AC died today. Either I must get an insurance plan for appliances or sell the place. Would like to sell if possible. Tomorrow I’m planning on planting St. Joe and leaving it in his hands.

Scoots is across from me in the rockers sleeping. Her new thing is to get up at 5am and got out on the porch. She now has a second potty box out there for her convenience.

Two or three little things to do tomorrow but I must pay attention to the house.

I applied to St. T to be an usher. Just want to get some ware out of my new Sunday best cloths. Haven’t heard back, will check after church tomorrow.

All for now.

Love you

I keep praying for you, please reciprocate for me.

25.07.05-Updates on Hospice, hot dogs

Hey Sweetheart,

I was supposed to be in charge grilling hot dogs today. I showed up, only to find out Fr. Tom had cancelled the cookout.

Tomorrow I leave early to go to Hospice training. I’m supposed to bring license and insurance card for car, but could not find it anywhere. I will be calling Duncan in the morning.

This afternoon I finished re-editing the last of the travel books 2020/2021. The last one was the easiest to complete. I’ve got some book on order and will order the others as needed. They were ALL very difficult, emotionally, for me to edit.

Went for my Cranial MRI last week. I hope I don’t have to wait a month for the results. Still waiting for Thyroid results. It took months but Dr. H finally said he’d send in some blood samples, 5 to be exact.-

I’m still waiting to hear from St. Teresa on being an usher, FBI check etc. No news yet.

We continue to battle thunderstorms every day but we’re much luckier than Texas. So far, over 50 day, including 21 kids, and counting.

I feel like a newscaster doing this blog. The truth is and always will be, I miss you dreadfully and Love you even more.

Scoots is bored as I am so i think we’ll begin to turn in, even though it’s not even 8pm yet.

Talk to you later,

pray for me

By a very loose measure, we’re doing Okay.

Please don’t forget us.

Me