May 17, 2025 Visiting Abby, Michael and Mckenna XX

I was supposed to make this visit on Friday, yesterday, but somehow the day got away from me. Saturday turned out to be an excellent day to travel, with the highways being not that busy. Abby and Michael were as gracious as ever and made me feel right at home. My purpose was 2-fold; to visit and deliver items, mostly Christmas that were personal to Abby. Mckenna showed her delight with having a new playmate toward the end of the visit. She’s going to be a duplicate of  Abby, her mother, and with her height and that of her dads; she’ll be a beautiful grown-up. I would like to say that I hope to have the privilege to see the grown-up version, but I have little to no interest in longevity any more. This statement is difficult to make after my having such a delightful visit with all of them yesterday.

I’m having a thin-ice day

It’s been nearly 150-days since her passing, you would think I would have it mostly all-together by this time. How do you describe to anyone exactly how crappy you feel inside. I have, unconsciously, been apologizing for actions I should have done for Carla when she was with me, and even for those times I’d  neglecting her, however seldom, but yet, I beg for a redo but realize it’s all in the past, which does not make it feel any better. This is a good day for me to just stay in my room where I know I’d be safe from myself.